Family

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When my frustration leads me to write, some things may come out that I wouldn’t normally say in a non-frustrated moment. But in the last couple of days, I have had some things said indirectly and directly to and about me as well as other family members that have really put me on edge. There have been some hurt feelings, I guess, about happenings and situations that I had no prior knowledge of ever even existing. When you live in different states from immediate family, you don’t always get to share in life happenings. Life, time, and distance don’t always allow for you to be a part of things you would otherwise be a part of had that distance not been there.

With that being said, every person in this world has just one life to live. What you do with your life is yours and yours alone to decide; after a certain point. When we get to a place in life when we can talk to people any kind of way with no sense of morals or respect for either yourself or other people, that’s a huge problem; especially when that person is your own mother. We all have shortcomings. None of us are perfect. But no one has the right to speak to their own mother in a degrading or disrespectful manner. I don’t care if a mother never gave her child two nickles to rub together, because if she never gave him anything at all, she gave him LIFE! He should thank her every day for giving him that life, because it could have easily gone the other way. People like to say when they’re in a bad situation, “I didn’t ask to be here.” Well guess what, none of us had a choice in whether or not we were going to be born. GOD put us all here for a reason. Every living, breathing human being has a purpose. Some don’t know what their purpose is yet. Some people may know, but are not sure about how to embrace it and be that person God wants them to be.

One of those family members said that “the definition of family in the literal term simply means any group closely related by blood. But it also means a group of individuals who closely share a common attitude, interests, or goals.” The only part of that definition that describes his (and several other family members) relationship to me is the part of being closely related by blood. We most certainly don’t share a common attitude, because I would never have the audacity to talk to my mother, grandmother, or any other adult family member the way he speaks to his mother. He says I misinterpret his hurt for a false sense of entitlement. But where, oh where, does this so called “hurt” stem from? Because you didn’t get a birthday card in the mail every year for the last 20 years of your life? Because you didn’t get a Christmas present in the mail every once in a while? As my eldest family member said to me, when you’re used to getting top of the line EVERYTHING, the meager card would have been much too insignificant for you and your high class and “rich” taste. Honey you’re living a millionaire’s dream on a “hundredaire’s” budget! Who wants to take the time out to acknowledge someone’s birthday with a card (without any money in it) who isn’t going to appreciate it? That would just be something else for them to talk about; “Why did they send this, there’s no money or anything?” But I’m not mistaken in my thought of them having a false sense of entitlement, because entitlement, in its literal form, means “the belief that one is inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment.” Nobody owes you anything! I don’t owe you a “happy birthday,” or a “congratulations on your graduation,” or a “Merry Christmas.” Who are you?

One of the ten commandments in the Bible says to honor your father and your mother so that you may live long… I foresee that EVERYTHING you touch will fail until you do right by your mother and give her the respect she is most certainly entitled to from you, the children she gave birth to. I walk my talk every single day. I don’t “fake the funk” for anybody. I am who I am and where I am today in life physically, emotionally, financially, and spiritually because of the decisions I have made in my life. I don’t make excuses for my flaws or downfalls. I don’t point the finger at anyone else to say they should have done this, that or the other for me. It took me a long time to come to realize that, but I hope and pray it doesn’t take my other family members as long to wise up and to realize that life is too short to live with hurts from the past. If you feel hurt, you need to talk sensibly with those who you feel have hurt you and explain why you feel the way you do. Because if I mistakenly step on your foot but do not realize it, how can I apologize or make it right if you don’t tell me, “hey, you stepped on my foot, and you hurt me”? So yes, I have been a bit frustrated the last few days, and I don’t feel as if there has been proper communication that could possibly resolve this issue; whatever it may be.

They say blood is thicker than water, but sometimes you have to watch out for your so called family more than you do a stranger on the street. People also say sticks stones can break your bones, but words can never hurt you. That’s a lie if I’ve ever heard one. Sometimes words can hurt and cut deeper than any two-edged sword. It’s crazy how life works. How obstacles are thrown in your path right when you’re doing good; doing what’s right and noble. Misery  sure loves company and oftentimes, people will try their best to bring others down just to bring themselves up; no matter what lengths they have to go to to do so. It’s a crying shame. God don’t like ugly; and he’s not too fond of pretty either. He favors what’s right. And when you’re wrong, you’re wrong. You’ll never get anywhere in life trying to make other people’s lives miserable… never! I can promise you that.

“Live for today, not tomorrow or yesterday.” ~jRenae~

Tomorrow Is Not Promised

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In light of some recent deaths

I felt compelled to write

Just a few lines, not too many

I only wanna shed a little light.

 

Light on the things I know to be true

I have very few loyal friends

While I associate myself with many people

I try to be real and not pretend.

 

There is no one whom I can say I hate

That is too negative an emotion to feel

It puts a weight on one’s shoulders

And leaves scars not so easily healed.

 

I want to say that I love you

To any and everyone near and dear to me

I don’t want to perish from this life

Without making sure that you believe.

 

Believe me when I say I’m sorry

For any wrong I may have done to you

Whether today, yesterday, or last year

Right my wrongs is what I must do.

 

I don’t know when my time will be

But I don’t want to leave my work undone

Yet there is so much still left to do

This race I’m still running, I haven’t won.

 

At least not yet, because I’m still PUSHing

Praying Until Something Happens

Believing that the Lord is always beside me

Doing what I love with purpose and passion.

 

If you have ever said a word against me

It’s more than okay because I forgive you

I don’t want to burden my heart with grudges

I’m gonna do what Jesus would do.

 

Too many young people are dying

One right after the other, after another

Leaving loved ones behind to mourn them

Children, moms, dads, sisters and brothers.

 

They are filled with sorrow and grief

Unsure of how they can go on

Without seeing the one they love again

Crying whenever they hear their favorite song.

 

I’ve done some things I’m not proud of

But I know my good outweighs my bad

I want to make a difference while I’m here

I want to be happy, not angry or sad.

 

When it’s my time to leave this Earth

I want to be celebrated and remembered

This old world will surely break you down

But every one of our days are numbered.

 

So no, tomorrow is not promised to any of us

We don’t know our future, only our past

Just treat people right and always be kind

And live each day as if it were your very last.

Loving Selfishly

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To give love to someone.

To receive the same love back in return.

To love unconditionally, but with conditions at the same time.

Loving selfishly with no ulterior motives.

I loved you because it was always the thing to do.

Not out of obligation or commitment.

Not out of pressure or false hopes of something ‘more’.

Finding a love that fit our situation.

Knowing that the subtle changes were ever-present.

Loving you because not loving you was never an option.

Loving you more for me than for you.

But loving you for you in essence of you loving me for you.

Loving you to fill a void.

I love you for who you are to me.

You loved me, but why so?

For me to lose myself in the moment?

To hope for more of something that could never be?

Loving selfishly because I want what I want.

Us. To be together.

In a way we have not been able to be together.

Free from walls and tables and stares.

Able to laugh and joke and reminisce

For more than just a little while.

I see my love for you has not been selfish.

I’ve loved more for you than for me.

And maybe loving you from a distance works better.

Maybe the whole time the one I was loving selfishly

Was me. Never you the way I first thought.

Holding on to what could be in loving you.

Seeing something that was never actually there.

But imagined.

Made up in my mind of thoughts and wonder.

Of a time we lost loving each other so long ago.

Time we can no longer get back.

Loving you unselfishly

I guess means letting you go.

Eager and Miserable, While Thinking of You

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I miss you without having had you. From your image I suffer and don’t even have to. But it’s you. I want to. Desire this miserable is beyond that of mortals. For the pain grows by the seconds while dragging as if by century. While hell hath its fury its not close to this misery. Misery I cling to so dearly.

For it is all I’m feeling, while only you occupy my thinking. No scale can measure what I feel from your touch, or the thought of as much. Oh, how I want it so much! For your sake this is cruelty, but it is not enough. The only Heaven, your presence. My own prison, our distance.

I’ll walk miles for your smile, accept any conditions. Once I have you I’ll have life, for the present is mere existence. The life of a champion. Your cause and your mission. From this to the Apex of Perfection. In your hands I am clay.

At this time I must sleep. Tomorrow I suffer another day.

Another from my brother ~Joseph Walters~

I Didn’t Know

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Commentary to the reader: This poem I wrote after I read a book by Dave Pelzer, titled A Child Called “It”. This book was very touching. In it, Mr. Pelzer tells about being abused as a child by his own mother. It is sad and there are some incidents in the book where he speaks in detail about his abuse that will bring you to tears. I love a good book, and this one truly is one you should read!

I didn’t know about the abuse

You had to constantly endure.

About the hurt and pain you suffered

From a heart you thought was pure.

I didn’t know about the love

You so seldom received.

And if I had not seen it,

I myself, would not have believed.

I didn’t know about the bruises

That you often tried to hide.

About the broken arm and stab wound,

Of the causes you had lied.

I didn’t know about the hardships

You went through with your mother.

And even just as bad,

From those you called “brother.”

I didn’t know about the hunger

From the times you weren’t fed.

About the way you had to sleep

On a cot for a bed.

I didn’t know about the prayers

You prayed down on your knees

And cried out so earnestly

“God, HELP ME, PLEASE!!”

I didn’t know about your father,

Who rarely tried to help you

In your struggle to overcome

What your mother put you through.

I didn’t know there existed,

Anywhere, in any state

A mother who harbored so much anger,

So much dislike and so much hate.

I didn’t know about the people

Who never came to your defense.

And this I don’t understand,

It just doesn’t make any sense.

I didn’t know that a mother

Could treat a child so bad.

And to know that it’s common,

Breaks my heart and makes me sad.

I didn’t know you were deemed a school outcast,

The real you no one wanted to know.

So to yourself you stayed,

Never letting your feelings show.

I didn’t know a heart so kind

Could be so broken and so torn

Just as the ragged clothes

So many times you had worn.

I didn’t know that others like you

Felt your pain and with it shared

The feelings of loneliness and despair

And the thoughts that no one cared.

But I’m hoping to help you realize

That with strength to help you grow,

Someone will always be there,

But I swear I didn’t know.

‘The System’

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Ok. So when we hear the phrase ‘the system’ a couple of things come to mind. The justice system for one; the school system is another. But the system I am referring to and writing about here is the child protective services; department of family and children services; the administration for children’s services, or whatever it may be called in your respective areas. Here where I live its DFCS – Department of Family and Children Services.

They seem backwards to me. They help the people who don’t want to get out and work, they keep having babies every year or every other year just to get an increase on their food stamps. Its like what help does the hard working person get? None! I’m not knocking anyone who gets public assistance who needs it. But there are so many people who take advantage and get away with it. There’s this lady I know who gets over a thousand dollars in food stamps and sells over 3/4 of them every month. But never has money to pay her bills, which aren’t that much because she gets assistance with her rent so its like $25…maybe $50! Actually quit her job when it was time for her to do her food stamp review so that she wouldn’t have to report her income and risk a decrease in her stamps!! I mean what is this world coming to?! When will grown people get a sense of responsibility and integrity about themselves?!

The caption under the picture says it all.

I’m just really disgusted with the system and the way they operate. The main reason I decided to write on this particular subject is because of children being taken from their mothers. Mothers who work hard, aren’t out here doing things they have no business, doing all they can to take care of their children. But then you have these mothers who should not even be graced with the title of mother, who don’t work, don’t take care of their kids the way they’re supposed to be taken care of and they keep their kids. Even in situations where DFCS is called on these unfit parents, they “investigate” but nothing is really done. I know of someone right now who should not have custody of any of her four children. She is so unfit until it is pathetic. Calling DFCS does no good because her case worker doesn’t follow up. And who suffers? The children! Its so sad and its mind boggling how they can let such things go on.

Children don't get to pick their mothers... But they do love them.

I don’t have the thick skin to do the type of work child protective service workers have to do. I could not rip a child from his/her mother’s arms kicking and screaming like its no big thing. I’m a big cry baby and I can’t stand to see others in pain (physical or emotional) and I know I couldn’t handle that type of work. But something must be done to right the wrongs that have been and are being done. I don’t know what, when, or how, but somehow, someway, something must be done. Because of one accusation, a good parent loses a good name, their children, their dignity; all in the blink of an eye. But the children who are truly suffering at the hands of an unfit, neglectful, could care less kind of mother, they stay. They’re there day in and day out seeing things children should never see, looking after younger siblings instead of being a child themselves, going without food or clean clothes, no bath, hair a mess. It saddens me so… I can’t even bear to think about it or write anything further about it. The system needs a change and fast!

Another Life Lost

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It seems like one day after the next

We are laying someone we know to rest.

We seem to have stopped loving one another

We’ve resorted to robing and killing our brother.

But for what? Somebody please tell me why,

Must the ones we love suffer and yet die?

My heart is quite heavy with grief

Its becoming so common, I’m beyond disbelief.

I wonder what its like in those last moments.

I know in the minds of the family, the thought torments.

Torments their heart and even their soul

That the one they love had not the chance to grow old.

The news spreads faster than you can catch your breath

When for unknown reasons, someone meets an early death.

While we’re all here, born and just living to die

We need to wake up, wise up and stop living a lie!

Open your minds to more than violence and crime.

Killing people over nonsense at the drop of a dime.

Now I don’t see the point in saying too much about fate

But I hope we can all get it right before its too late.

Although its never too late as long as you’re alive

And with God’s grace and mercy, we are sure to survive.

The lives we live must prove to be of some virtue

So our legacy we leave behind can be of one issue.

Not of whether we will be remembered, but how.

By those who knew us in our past, as well as now.

Even after they’re gone, the love doesn’t diminish

One final look, just one final wish

To rest eternally with God’s peace

The madness must end, it must soon cease.

So as another life is yet lost, and as we say good-bye,

Wipe your tears, hold you head high.

Dwell not on how he died, but that he did live

Remember that God wants us to love, and to forgive.

~Class of 2000 ~ R.I.P. Billy Hewitt ~

We won’t forget you, man!

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