Family

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When my frustration leads me to write, some things may come out that I wouldn’t normally say in a non-frustrated moment. But in the last couple of days, I have had some things said indirectly and directly to and about me as well as other family members that have really put me on edge. There have been some hurt feelings, I guess, about happenings and situations that I had no prior knowledge of ever even existing. When you live in different states from immediate family, you don’t always get to share in life happenings. Life, time, and distance don’t always allow for you to be a part of things you would otherwise be a part of had that distance not been there.

With that being said, every person in this world has just one life to live. What you do with your life is yours and yours alone to decide; after a certain point. When we get to a place in life when we can talk to people any kind of way with no sense of morals or respect for either yourself or other people, that’s a huge problem; especially when that person is your own mother. We all have shortcomings. None of us are perfect. But no one has the right to speak to their own mother in a degrading or disrespectful manner. I don’t care if a mother never gave her child two nickles to rub together, because if she never gave him anything at all, she gave him LIFE! He should thank her every day for giving him that life, because it could have easily gone the other way. People like to say when they’re in a bad situation, “I didn’t ask to be here.” Well guess what, none of us had a choice in whether or not we were going to be born. GOD put us all here for a reason. Every living, breathing human being has a purpose. Some don’t know what their purpose is yet. Some people may know, but are not sure about how to embrace it and be that person God wants them to be.

One of those family members said that “the definition of family in the literal term simply means any group closely related by blood. But it also means a group of individuals who closely share a common attitude, interests, or goals.” The only part of that definition that describes his (and several other family members) relationship to me is the part of being closely related by blood. We most certainly don’t share a common attitude, because I would never have the audacity to talk to my mother, grandmother, or any other adult family member the way he speaks to his mother. He says I misinterpret his hurt for a false sense of entitlement. But where, oh where, does this so called “hurt” stem from? Because you didn’t get a birthday card in the mail every year for the last 20 years of your life? Because you didn’t get a Christmas present in the mail every once in a while? As my eldest family member said to me, when you’re used to getting top of the line EVERYTHING, the meager card would have been much too insignificant for you and your high class and “rich” taste. Honey you’re living a millionaire’s dream on a “hundredaire’s” budget! Who wants to take the time out to acknowledge someone’s birthday with a card (without any money in it) who isn’t going to appreciate it? That would just be something else for them to talk about; “Why did they send this, there’s no money or anything?” But I’m not mistaken in my thought of them having a false sense of entitlement, because entitlement, in its literal form, means “the belief that one is inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment.” Nobody owes you anything! I don’t owe you a “happy birthday,” or a “congratulations on your graduation,” or a “Merry Christmas.” Who are you?

One of the ten commandments in the Bible says to honor your father and your mother so that you may live long… I foresee that EVERYTHING you touch will fail until you do right by your mother and give her the respect she is most certainly entitled to from you, the children she gave birth to. I walk my talk every single day. I don’t “fake the funk” for anybody. I am who I am and where I am today in life physically, emotionally, financially, and spiritually because of the decisions I have made in my life. I don’t make excuses for my flaws or downfalls. I don’t point the finger at anyone else to say they should have done this, that or the other for me. It took me a long time to come to realize that, but I hope and pray it doesn’t take my other family members as long to wise up and to realize that life is too short to live with hurts from the past. If you feel hurt, you need to talk sensibly with those who you feel have hurt you and explain why you feel the way you do. Because if I mistakenly step on your foot but do not realize it, how can I apologize or make it right if you don’t tell me, “hey, you stepped on my foot, and you hurt me”? So yes, I have been a bit frustrated the last few days, and I don’t feel as if there has been proper communication that could possibly resolve this issue; whatever it may be.

They say blood is thicker than water, but sometimes you have to watch out for your so called family more than you do a stranger on the street. People also say sticks stones can break your bones, but words can never hurt you. That’s a lie if I’ve ever heard one. Sometimes words can hurt and cut deeper than any two-edged sword. It’s crazy how life works. How obstacles are thrown in your path right when you’re doing good; doing what’s right and noble. Misery  sure loves company and oftentimes, people will try their best to bring others down just to bring themselves up; no matter what lengths they have to go to to do so. It’s a crying shame. God don’t like ugly; and he’s not too fond of pretty either. He favors what’s right. And when you’re wrong, you’re wrong. You’ll never get anywhere in life trying to make other people’s lives miserable… never! I can promise you that.

“Live for today, not tomorrow or yesterday.” ~jRenae~

an ode to new york city

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I sure do miss New York sometimes. I just can’t see myself living there raising my kids… But there are so many opportunities, places to see, things to do. This is a great post. Reminds me of the life I once lived in New York. I expect to visit again soon and see all my family & friends who I miss so much.

Nowhere To Go But Everywhere

I find myself wandering down the Chelsea Highline as the sun falls over the Hudson, turning the city a peculiar shade of orange.

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Maybe it isn’t the sunset that’s particularly eerie tonight, though. Maybe, just maybe, it is the realization that washes over me as I watch my city fade into darkness…

In a few weeks, this place will no longer be my home. 

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My two best friends and I look at each other knowingly.

Nostalgia. Heartsickness. Excitement and worry about the future. The mixture of emotions fills our guts as the sun finally dips below the skyline of Hoboken.

But tonight is about celebrating the city that has given us so much, not about mourning the end of an era.

We grab a couple beers, find a secluded spot, and stare up at the Manhattan sky as stars begin to pop up, competing for attention with the sparkling lights of…

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Mother’s Day

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Since I didn’t get my mom an actual card for Mother’s Day (which i usually don’t b/c I always wait til the last minute to think about it), I woke up this morning and decided to write her a poem and send it to her via text message. It went a little something like this:

Words could not express
How much you mean to me
My love for you has no end
I only wish you could see.

On this Mother’s Day
Although we can’t be together
I pray God’s blessings upon you
Today, tomorrow, and forever

You gave me life and breath
For this I can’t thank you enough
Thirty-one long years ago
Life for you was pretty tough.

But you saw fit to give me a chance
To live, to grow, to be
Without you, I am nothing
Without you, I would not be me.

So on this May 12th, 2013
I have one thing left to say
I love you for everything you are to me
And this love will never fade away.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!

I love you, ma!! ❤

I’ve always had a knack for poetry. I love how words flow so easily for me especially when I have a thought in mind and it’s just a natural “floetry”. I wanted my mom to know that I loved her and I was thinking of her even though she didn’t get a physical card in the mail to say so. Well she called me late this afternoon to say that she did get the poem and she loved it. She said she was going to print it out. Because I know how much of a procrastinator she is, I may print it and frame it and send it to her in the mail. A “belated” gift in the physical form.

My mom and I never used to be real close. I really hate it too. It was always as if the distance between us is what kept our relationship in tact. When I lived with her for the two years right after giving birth to my son, we didn’t get along. I attribute that discord to the fact that we were (and are) so much alike. Our ideals and thoughts clashed quite frequently. I used to resent her for never being there for me the way I felt she should have been when I was growing up. I resented her even more when I learned, while living with her for those two years, that she had “gotten over” the fact that she was never there for me (or my twin brother), and felt that I should just “get over” it as well. I knew that after two plus years, the situation was not going to get any better and I made the decision to return to Georgia from New York – back home where I felt I belonged.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my mom. I always have. But I always wanted a close-knit relationship with her. I always wanted to be able to talk to her about any and everything, and to have her be able to talk to me about things that were going on in her life as well. Though what I always longed for, I never really got. I can’t stress enough how much the distance that we have between us is the real reason we are as close as we are at this point. Every word of the poem I wrote for her, I meant. I  always want her to know that I love her, no matter what. While my life could have turned out to be very different for any number of reasons, I am a firm believer in the fact that everything happens for a reason. My life turned out the way it did because that is what God had predestined for my life. People say you can’t pick your family; well if I could, I wouldn’t change anyone. I feel blessed and highly favored to have those in my life who are in it and play a part, no matter how big or how small.

Imposed Upon

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Feel like a stranger
Right inside of my own home
I need my space back

Helping family
Can sometimes turn out to be
Stressful and unfair

Wore out your welcome
Some do it faster than most
Your time has now come

I am not happy
I want my house to myself
Just me and my kids

We cannot foresee
Living this way much longer
Something has to give

I have tried my best
To do what I felt was right
I am overwhelmed

Thought you needed help
But what you have now done is
Taken advantage

Hospitality
Is just about dead and gone
I want you to leave

I love you dearly
But I need my peace of mind
Pack your things and go