What Do I Want For My Children?

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I want my children to be successful

And to always know that I love them dearly.

I want them to have dignity and purpose,

For them to hold their heads high and speak clearly.

 

To never mumble when speaking to someone

But look a person in the eye so that they know

You are serious and should be taken seriously

And accept criticism so there is room to grow.

 

To never be too selfish or even too kind

People sometimes mistake that for weakness

But don’t be too overbearing either

Remain humble and display tender meekness.

 

I want them to show respect to everyone

Whether another child or someone who’s old

Never be rude or mean without reason

To have a warm heart, not one that’s cold.

 

To give willingly whenever they are able to

To always lend a helping hand to someone in need

Remembering that it’s what Jesus would want them to do

To not be followers but to take a responsible lead.

 

I want for my children the world and so much more

For them to set goals and work hard to achieve them

To never boast, but to be modest and less proud

But to sometimes take chances and go out on a limb.

 

There will be times when they will be let down or disappointed

But I want them to understand that’s all a part of life

There will be happiness, joy, triumphs and victories

But also sorrow, heartache, pain, misery and strife.

 

Sometimes the good will outweigh the bad, sometimes not

At times they will feel like they are all alone with no one

But I pray they believe their mama will always be there

I’ll be just a phone call away, and to me they can always run.

 

So what all do I really want for my children?

Life, health, strength, creativity, success, power

But mostly I want them to know the Lord Jesus Christ

And that they can call on Him no matter the hour.

 

I want them to know that He has the power to do all things

And that He will come back one day, or maybe one night

I can’t tell them when that will be or where I will be

Only that the time is now for us all to get our lives right.

 

And not to call on Him only when they are in trouble

But to thank Him daily for the many blessings He gives

To tell others about Him and share his Holy Word

And make sure they know that yes, He still lives.

 

My children are my everything, my sun and my stars

They bring out the sunshine on my most cloudy day

I hope they know that even when I’m mad, I still love them

No matter the distance between us, in my heart they will always stay.

 

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Parental Insight

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I sometimes wonder

Just what my life would be like

Without three children

I could have become

Any one of my dreams

That I once hoped for

Became a parent

Before I was quite ready

Had to sacrifice

Gave up school dances

Many of my childhood friends

Life as I knew it

With a new outlook

As mother to a baby

I did not plan for

While stressful at times

I make the best of this life

What else can I do

I cannot give up

They did not ask to be here

Those choices I made

I have not been dealt

A hand with an easy win

I play my cards right

While full of unknowns

Parenting is quite a task

One that I embrace

I love my babies

I know that they are just kids

They will get better

I must continue

To magnify the positives

In all that they do

I must also strive

For guidance and patience too

When I feel torn down

I had that someone

Who never gave up on me

And now I have them

So I will be there

For whenever they should call

Cause I am their mom

‘The System’

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Ok. So when we hear the phrase ‘the system’ a couple of things come to mind. The justice system for one; the school system is another. But the system I am referring to and writing about here is the child protective services; department of family and children services; the administration for children’s services, or whatever it may be called in your respective areas. Here where I live its DFCS – Department of Family and Children Services.

They seem backwards to me. They help the people who don’t want to get out and work, they keep having babies every year or every other year just to get an increase on their food stamps. Its like what help does the hard working person get? None! I’m not knocking anyone who gets public assistance who needs it. But there are so many people who take advantage and get away with it. There’s this lady I know who gets over a thousand dollars in food stamps and sells over 3/4 of them every month. But never has money to pay her bills, which aren’t that much because she gets assistance with her rent so its like $25…maybe $50! Actually quit her job when it was time for her to do her food stamp review so that she wouldn’t have to report her income and risk a decrease in her stamps!! I mean what is this world coming to?! When will grown people get a sense of responsibility and integrity about themselves?!

The caption under the picture says it all.

I’m just really disgusted with the system and the way they operate. The main reason I decided to write on this particular subject is because of children being taken from their mothers. Mothers who work hard, aren’t out here doing things they have no business, doing all they can to take care of their children. But then you have these mothers who should not even be graced with the title of mother, who don’t work, don’t take care of their kids the way they’re supposed to be taken care of and they keep their kids. Even in situations where DFCS is called on these unfit parents, they “investigate” but nothing is really done. I know of someone right now who should not have custody of any of her four children. She is so unfit until it is pathetic. Calling DFCS does no good because her case worker doesn’t follow up. And who suffers? The children! Its so sad and its mind boggling how they can let such things go on.

Children don't get to pick their mothers... But they do love them.

I don’t have the thick skin to do the type of work child protective service workers have to do. I could not rip a child from his/her mother’s arms kicking and screaming like its no big thing. I’m a big cry baby and I can’t stand to see others in pain (physical or emotional) and I know I couldn’t handle that type of work. But something must be done to right the wrongs that have been and are being done. I don’t know what, when, or how, but somehow, someway, something must be done. Because of one accusation, a good parent loses a good name, their children, their dignity; all in the blink of an eye. But the children who are truly suffering at the hands of an unfit, neglectful, could care less kind of mother, they stay. They’re there day in and day out seeing things children should never see, looking after younger siblings instead of being a child themselves, going without food or clean clothes, no bath, hair a mess. It saddens me so… I can’t even bear to think about it or write anything further about it. The system needs a change and fast!

Reinforcements

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In the schools today they wanna ‘preach’ so much on positive reinforcements and constructive criticism. Well a lot of it is BULL if you ask me. They say for us as parents to make sure we reward and praise our children when they are doing well, or doing good things. Why is it though that when bad or negative things are going on at school that’s all we the parents hear about? I’ll give an example. My son was in a particular after school program and day camp program for years. He was diagnosed with ADHD when he was about 5 so he’s been on medication practically ever since. When he didn’t take it however, he was a hand full! (And then some) Everyday that I’d go pick him up, if there had been a problem, I’d hear about it. If he caused a scene on a field trip, I heard about it. If he hit another child, I heard about it. If he kicked the tables and threw things across the room, I heard about all of that too! I even had other workers tell me that one particular individual didn’t like my son and had voiced his opinion as to such. This individual even told my son (I found out much later) one day after he had not been there the day before that they ‘enjoyed him not being there’. What self respecting adult who is supposed to be a type of mentor for kids says that to a CHILD?! Very rarely did I hear “He had a great day today.” or “We didn’t have to get on him at all, he was good.” Never anything positive. Do you know what that does to a parent after so much negativity about their child? Its devastating and emotionally draining. I got to the point where I didn’t even care about what they were telling me he was doing that bad or wrong. Cause like I told the lady one day when I went to pick him up and she looked at me and said “Today hasn’t been a good day” (she had this look of disgust on her face), I said no day ever seems to be. She caught on then and said “Well now that’s not true! He has some really good days.” I just gave her this look like “REALLY??!!!! WHEN!!??!!!??!” Because I NEVER hear about those days.

Now on to the issue I began this post about. My daughter has also been recently diagnosed with ADHD. She has a much more difficult time than my son did with emotional problems. I have both hands full with her most days at home. Some days are good… Like yesterday. 🙂 But then she gets me to the point where I just feel like running away some days and never looking back. I know some reading this would say, “No, it can’t be that bad!”, but really, it is. I love my child and I would go to the ends of the Earth for her if I had to. But its a struggle to deal with her extreme emotionality. Well at school so far this year I think she has been in the office between four and five times. One time she was sent home early because of her behavior. (School has only been in 28 days.) I’ve explained her situation to her teacher who is new at the school, which I feel she had already gotten some negative information about her before school even began. She was hesitant at open house; gave me this “are we going to be okay this year?” look… Right here I wanna say that when you prejudge a child and dismiss them as a lost cause before you ever give them a chance, they will never be successful. I feel that the administrators who know my daughter from previous years want to give her a chance and they try to help her work through her frustrations most times. Although today particularly it just seemed like they were unconcerned about the fact that she spent the entire morning in the office instead of in the classroom. True enough, she acted out in a very disruptive manner. This was because she was unable to do something she thought she would be able to do which caused her ‘melt down’. Yeah, she does the whole crying thing and acting out at home, so its not like she’s just doing it at school. But I have learned to deal with it in a way that works best for the both of us I think.

I don’t feel the school should reward bad behavior. But I also believe in progressive discipline. If a child is sent home for misbehavior; that to me is a disciplinary action. Why take away an incentive two weeks after the ‘bad’ behavior occurred? Its giving a reward for good behavior, but not allowing the reward to be utilized when the time comes which is backwards! It doesn’t make sense. That’s like me saying to her or any of my other children that since you were misbehaving in Wal-Mart last week, when we go to Chuck E. Cheese next week, you aren’t going to be able to get any tokens and play games. Its like dangling a steak in the face of a lion but snatching it back! Isn’t the lion going to be angry, won’t he react negatively?! I feel the situation today is same thing! Schools wanna promote positive reinforcements for good behavior and making better choices, but when they ‘punish’ the kids so to speak well after the misbehavior has already been dealt with and there were no other instances of bad behavior since, its just wrong! It discourages children from doing the right thing in the future. Although they should not have to be bribed, or expect to receive something in return for doing what is right, they grow to expect good rewards for good behaviors and good choices. Don’t we all? Even as adults; in our jobs, if we do something good worth recognition, we expect to be recognized. We expect a pat on the back saying ‘job well done’. We as adults expect this so as children do what is right and try their best to be good little boys and girls, they should be praised and rewarded when it is necessary.