Family

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When my frustration leads me to write, some things may come out that I wouldn’t normally say in a non-frustrated moment. But in the last couple of days, I have had some things said indirectly and directly to and about me as well as other family members that have really put me on edge. There have been some hurt feelings, I guess, about happenings and situations that I had no prior knowledge of ever even existing. When you live in different states from immediate family, you don’t always get to share in life happenings. Life, time, and distance don’t always allow for you to be a part of things you would otherwise be a part of had that distance not been there.

With that being said, every person in this world has just one life to live. What you do with your life is yours and yours alone to decide; after a certain point. When we get to a place in life when we can talk to people any kind of way with no sense of morals or respect for either yourself or other people, that’s a huge problem; especially when that person is your own mother. We all have shortcomings. None of us are perfect. But no one has the right to speak to their own mother in a degrading or disrespectful manner. I don’t care if a mother never gave her child two nickles to rub together, because if she never gave him anything at all, she gave him LIFE! He should thank her every day for giving him that life, because it could have easily gone the other way. People like to say when they’re in a bad situation, “I didn’t ask to be here.” Well guess what, none of us had a choice in whether or not we were going to be born. GOD put us all here for a reason. Every living, breathing human being has a purpose. Some don’t know what their purpose is yet. Some people may know, but are not sure about how to embrace it and be that person God wants them to be.

One of those family members said that “the definition of family in the literal term simply means any group closely related by blood. But it also means a group of individuals who closely share a common attitude, interests, or goals.” The only part of that definition that describes his (and several other family members) relationship to me is the part of being closely related by blood. We most certainly don’t share a common attitude, because I would never have the audacity to talk to my mother, grandmother, or any other adult family member the way he speaks to his mother. He says I misinterpret his hurt for a false sense of entitlement. But where, oh where, does this so called “hurt” stem from? Because you didn’t get a birthday card in the mail every year for the last 20 years of your life? Because you didn’t get a Christmas present in the mail every once in a while? As my eldest family member said to me, when you’re used to getting top of the line EVERYTHING, the meager card would have been much too insignificant for you and your high class and “rich” taste. Honey you’re living a millionaire’s dream on a “hundredaire’s” budget! Who wants to take the time out to acknowledge someone’s birthday with a card (without any money in it) who isn’t going to appreciate it? That would just be something else for them to talk about; “Why did they send this, there’s no money or anything?” But I’m not mistaken in my thought of them having a false sense of entitlement, because entitlement, in its literal form, means “the belief that one is inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment.” Nobody owes you anything! I don’t owe you a “happy birthday,” or a “congratulations on your graduation,” or a “Merry Christmas.” Who are you?

One of the ten commandments in the Bible says to honor your father and your mother so that you may live long… I foresee that EVERYTHING you touch will fail until you do right by your mother and give her the respect she is most certainly entitled to from you, the children she gave birth to. I walk my talk every single day. I don’t “fake the funk” for anybody. I am who I am and where I am today in life physically, emotionally, financially, and spiritually because of the decisions I have made in my life. I don’t make excuses for my flaws or downfalls. I don’t point the finger at anyone else to say they should have done this, that or the other for me. It took me a long time to come to realize that, but I hope and pray it doesn’t take my other family members as long to wise up and to realize that life is too short to live with hurts from the past. If you feel hurt, you need to talk sensibly with those who you feel have hurt you and explain why you feel the way you do. Because if I mistakenly step on your foot but do not realize it, how can I apologize or make it right if you don’t tell me, “hey, you stepped on my foot, and you hurt me”? So yes, I have been a bit frustrated the last few days, and I don’t feel as if there has been proper communication that could possibly resolve this issue; whatever it may be.

They say blood is thicker than water, but sometimes you have to watch out for your so called family more than you do a stranger on the street. People also say sticks stones can break your bones, but words can never hurt you. That’s a lie if I’ve ever heard one. Sometimes words can hurt and cut deeper than any two-edged sword. It’s crazy how life works. How obstacles are thrown in your path right when you’re doing good; doing what’s right and noble. Misery  sure loves company and oftentimes, people will try their best to bring others down just to bring themselves up; no matter what lengths they have to go to to do so. It’s a crying shame. God don’t like ugly; and he’s not too fond of pretty either. He favors what’s right. And when you’re wrong, you’re wrong. You’ll never get anywhere in life trying to make other people’s lives miserable… never! I can promise you that.

“Live for today, not tomorrow or yesterday.” ~jRenae~

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Guest Post: 5 Reasons Your Relationship With Your Ex Was Not As Great As You Think

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Great post! A lot of good points made…

Guest Post: 5 Reasons Your Relationship With Your Ex Was Not As Great As You Think.

Haiku ~ Loss

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Tears stream down my face
Thinking of the love we shared
Priceless memories

Never said good-bye
Time ran out far too quickly
Words left unspoken

I think of your face
Your smile and the laugh you had
Brightened my dark days

This does not feel real
I feel like I am dreaming
But cannot wake up

I lost my best friend
Disbelief dismay and more
Many emotions

Those who knew you well
Are filled with grief and sadness
Especially me

I needed you more
Than you ever needed me
We had each other

Overwhelming fear
Is what has come upon me
Of what to do now

To live without you
When I never thought I would
I just want you back

But I dry these tears
I smile and I remember
So many good times

You would not want me
To be drowning in my tears
Feeling such heartache

I miss you so much
You are not here in the flesh
But your spirit lives

You are in my heart
You will always be right there
Never forgotten

I have to let go
Though I will be sad sometimes
Understandably

I will end with this
My love for you will not fade
We will meet again

It may not be soon
Maybe in another life
No one knows for sure

I will not forget
You brought meaning to my life
Endless gratitude

My Friend

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IMG_0599.1<<<<This guy… 🙂 Where do I begin? There is so much I could say about him and so much I want to say; but I’ll keep it short(ish). He’s perfectly imperfect. He’s a good listener, a good advice giver, very humble, modest, and respectable. I cherish our friendship. Even though we haven’t been friends since childhood or anything like that, the three years we have known each other have been very fruitful for me. I respect his knowledge and wisdom; his ability to put things into perspective in a way that makes me look at them differently. He’s a wordsmith. His intellect reaches far beyond that of most men I know. He takes time to analyze a situation before he makes a decision one way or another. He loves his family. He shares a very close bond with his mom which I admire. She’s a wonderful woman who is strong and caring and compassionate. I know that he turned out to be such a great man because of his mom. He has helped me through so many different situations it’s not even funny! And I’m not exaggerating… When I have had something on my mind and I wasn’t sure who to talk to about it, I could turn to him and he would know just what to say. I like to think that I’ve helped him to see a different perspective in a few situations as well…

John [Skywalker] is a talented writer and artist (musical). I believe that once the right people hear his music, he is going to make it big. He has a different kind of sound from most hip-hop artists you hear on the radio. There is a lot of meaning behind his lyrics. His sound is unique and I enjoy hearing new music from him; I enjoy listening to his “old” music as well. I had the privilege of helping him with his first mixtape to include the cover design and promoting it to the point where I even got one of his songs played on one of the local radio stations. It was a lot of work, but it was well worth it! He’s now on a new venture in his life and I am hopeful that everything works out the way he plans. I see really big things happening in his life in the near future and I feel rather honored that I have come to know him as well as I do. He always tells me that I only know one side of him; the side he only shows to his family is much different than the side he shows to everyone else… But I’m content with what I do know about him.

I could say so much more, but again, I will keep it short and sweet. I admire John’s ambition and his courage. I even have a great respect for his need for privacy and oneness with himself and his thoughts. There have been plenty of times when I would reach out to him and he’d relay back to me that he was in “hermit” mode… I understood completely and left him to his thoughts, space, and time. He’s not usually one to initiate contact or communication, but that’s okay with me. He does so when necessary. John is a great friend to me, my best friend (male); I believe my only male best friend since Willis (my childhood male best friend). Sometimes as people grow older, they grow apart. They lose touch and tend to forget about the friends of old… I pray that doesn’t happen with John and me. I truly hope that we can remain friends for a long time to come; even if there are miles and miles between us. He means just that much to me.

Mother’s Day

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Since I didn’t get my mom an actual card for Mother’s Day (which i usually don’t b/c I always wait til the last minute to think about it), I woke up this morning and decided to write her a poem and send it to her via text message. It went a little something like this:

Words could not express
How much you mean to me
My love for you has no end
I only wish you could see.

On this Mother’s Day
Although we can’t be together
I pray God’s blessings upon you
Today, tomorrow, and forever

You gave me life and breath
For this I can’t thank you enough
Thirty-one long years ago
Life for you was pretty tough.

But you saw fit to give me a chance
To live, to grow, to be
Without you, I am nothing
Without you, I would not be me.

So on this May 12th, 2013
I have one thing left to say
I love you for everything you are to me
And this love will never fade away.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!

I love you, ma!! ❤

I’ve always had a knack for poetry. I love how words flow so easily for me especially when I have a thought in mind and it’s just a natural “floetry”. I wanted my mom to know that I loved her and I was thinking of her even though she didn’t get a physical card in the mail to say so. Well she called me late this afternoon to say that she did get the poem and she loved it. She said she was going to print it out. Because I know how much of a procrastinator she is, I may print it and frame it and send it to her in the mail. A “belated” gift in the physical form.

My mom and I never used to be real close. I really hate it too. It was always as if the distance between us is what kept our relationship in tact. When I lived with her for the two years right after giving birth to my son, we didn’t get along. I attribute that discord to the fact that we were (and are) so much alike. Our ideals and thoughts clashed quite frequently. I used to resent her for never being there for me the way I felt she should have been when I was growing up. I resented her even more when I learned, while living with her for those two years, that she had “gotten over” the fact that she was never there for me (or my twin brother), and felt that I should just “get over” it as well. I knew that after two plus years, the situation was not going to get any better and I made the decision to return to Georgia from New York – back home where I felt I belonged.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my mom. I always have. But I always wanted a close-knit relationship with her. I always wanted to be able to talk to her about any and everything, and to have her be able to talk to me about things that were going on in her life as well. Though what I always longed for, I never really got. I can’t stress enough how much the distance that we have between us is the real reason we are as close as we are at this point. Every word of the poem I wrote for her, I meant. I  always want her to know that I love her, no matter what. While my life could have turned out to be very different for any number of reasons, I am a firm believer in the fact that everything happens for a reason. My life turned out the way it did because that is what God had predestined for my life. People say you can’t pick your family; well if I could, I wouldn’t change anyone. I feel blessed and highly favored to have those in my life who are in it and play a part, no matter how big or how small.

The Truth in Music

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Toni Braxton’s Song Let It Flow sums up my situation quite nicely… The truth in her music is so real…

First thing Monday morning
It was a Monday afternoon when I decided I needed to end things.
I’m gonna pick my tears away
I was done crying about it (or so I thought). I wanted it to be over for good.
Got no cause to look back
I had no reason to look back because as the next line says…
I’m lookin’ for me a better day
I wanted better for myself. I deserved better.
You see the thing ’bout love
No doubt in my mind that I loved him.
Is that it’s not enough
But love really was not enough at that point in our relationship.
If the only thing it brings you is pain
And because I couldn’t have more, that love did bring me great pain.
There comes a time when we could all make a change, darlin’.
It was way past time for me to have made this change. So I did what I had to do.

Don’t nobody want no broken heart
We always felt like we weren’t hurting anybody… But we were only lying to ourselves.
And don’t nobody want no two time losers
I want someone who’s going to be faithful and true at all times, no matter what.
Ain’t nobody gonna love you like you are
I couldn’t possibly expect someone new to love me with the “baggage” I was carrying around.
If you take whatever he brings your way
I did just that. Whatever he had to give, I took it…willingly, with no objections.
You see the thing of it
There’s always that something…
Is we deserve respect
And I do deserve to be respected.
But we can’t demand respect without change
But really, I couldn’t demand respect with the current situation…I had to make some changes.
There comes a time when we must go our own way.
I knew my time had come. I had to break away and go my own way and do my own thing.

Sometimes love it can work out right
This wasn’t one of those times.
Sometimes you’ll never know
I didn’t know for a long time, but then again, I knew all along it wasn’t right.
But if it brings only pain in your life
Pain wasn’t the only thing it brought, but it was there.
Don’t be afraid to let it go.
I was afraid for so long. But not anymore…I let go of the lie that was us and decided that for me, I wanted to start living some truth. I deserve that. So does he…

 

“Those” Types

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Have you ever encountered the types of people who always think they’re right? How about those who want something for nothing? Or even those types of individuals who feel entitled to any and everything because they are who they are? And lastly, those who are confrontational and argumentative just for the sake of being so… Well I want to elaborate on “those” types of individuals in this post.

First type: “I’m right, you’re wrong.”

This first type is somewhat arrogant and they like to feel as though they know everything and the ones around them know nothing at all. When you try to explain a situation to them in terms they should understand, they try to twist your words and make you re-think what it is you’ve said, and sometimes they’ll have you second guessing your point of view, even when you are right. They feel justified in their point of view even when deep down, they know they are flat out wrong. These are the types of people you always want to have proper documentation to back up what it is you have said so that you can put it in front of them in black and white for literal comprehension.

Second type: “I want something for nothing.”

Even though these types don’t come right out and say they want something for nothing, they always have a way of at least trying to get what they do not rightfully deserve nor did they work for to earn. If you give this type of person an inch, so to speak, they want a mile, when really, they barely earned the inch to begin with. These are the types who also do the bare minimum and expect to be praised and applauded for, yet again, doing nothing. When you put this type of person in their place and explain to them that what they did actually did not measure up to the level of recognition or compensation that they expect, sometimes they humble down and leave the situation alone. And other times, these types will wait until you turn your back, thinking the matter has been resolved, and elevate the matter into a whole other situation altogether.

Third type: “I’m entitled to (this or that) because I’m black.”

Being an African American, I know these types all too well. For some reason or another, a lot of African Americans nowadays have this false sense of entitlement, like someone owes them something. And its as though if they don’t get what they feel they are entitled to, they want to make a big fuss over it. No one, black, white, or otherwise, should feel that they should get something just because of their skin color. Not everything is about black and white, discrimination and racism. Sometimes things don’t go your way just because they weren’t supposed to. And quite frankly, I think that anyone who has this false sense of entitlement is a damn fool! And yes, that is only my opinion.

Last type: “Argumentative, who me? I am not!”

We certainly know these types. They say they aren’t the confrontational and argumentative types, but that’s exactly who they portray themselves to be whenever conflict arises. They aren’t the types to back down from their position no matter what the situation. If you decide you don’t want to continue discussing whatever the issue is, they will continue to argue their point just so that they can get the last word in. They also like to jump to conclusions before the person speaking with them can relay their entire thought. Its as though they thrive off of drama, calamity, and confusion. If there is nothing going on around them that emits any of these three previously mentioned terms, they will create it themselves. Nothing satisfies them and they seem to walk around with a huge chip on their shoulder; ready to fling it at anyone who even looks at them (in what they perceive as) the wrong way.

For the sake of giving these four types of individuals the benefit of the doubt, quite possibly, some of them may have gone through some rough times in their lives that led them to be the way they are. But not everyone on the receiving end of the attitudes of these people deserve to be subjected to their type of behavior. Everyone has a bad day now and then, everyone has problems and issues in their lives which may warrant the occasional attitude or rude comment. But there is a time and a place for everything. When these attitudes are out of place and at the wrong time, it’s possible that someone could end up getting hurt, whether it be physically or emotionally. Hey, I’m just sayin’.

Until next time my lovelies!! :-* Muah!!

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