Family

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When my frustration leads me to write, some things may come out that I wouldn’t normally say in a non-frustrated moment. But in the last couple of days, I have had some things said indirectly and directly to and about me as well as other family members that have really put me on edge. There have been some hurt feelings, I guess, about happenings and situations that I had no prior knowledge of ever even existing. When you live in different states from immediate family, you don’t always get to share in life happenings. Life, time, and distance don’t always allow for you to be a part of things you would otherwise be a part of had that distance not been there.

With that being said, every person in this world has just one life to live. What you do with your life is yours and yours alone to decide; after a certain point. When we get to a place in life when we can talk to people any kind of way with no sense of morals or respect for either yourself or other people, that’s a huge problem; especially when that person is your own mother. We all have shortcomings. None of us are perfect. But no one has the right to speak to their own mother in a degrading or disrespectful manner. I don’t care if a mother never gave her child two nickles to rub together, because if she never gave him anything at all, she gave him LIFE! He should thank her every day for giving him that life, because it could have easily gone the other way. People like to say when they’re in a bad situation, “I didn’t ask to be here.” Well guess what, none of us had a choice in whether or not we were going to be born. GOD put us all here for a reason. Every living, breathing human being has a purpose. Some don’t know what their purpose is yet. Some people may know, but are not sure about how to embrace it and be that person God wants them to be.

One of those family members said that “the definition of family in the literal term simply means any group closely related by blood. But it also means a group of individuals who closely share a common attitude, interests, or goals.” The only part of that definition that describes his (and several other family members) relationship to me is the part of being closely related by blood. We most certainly don’t share a common attitude, because I would never have the audacity to talk to my mother, grandmother, or any other adult family member the way he speaks to his mother. He says I misinterpret his hurt for a false sense of entitlement. But where, oh where, does this so called “hurt” stem from? Because you didn’t get a birthday card in the mail every year for the last 20 years of your life? Because you didn’t get a Christmas present in the mail every once in a while? As my eldest family member said to me, when you’re used to getting top of the line EVERYTHING, the meager card would have been much too insignificant for you and your high class and “rich” taste. Honey you’re living a millionaire’s dream on a “hundredaire’s” budget! Who wants to take the time out to acknowledge someone’s birthday with a card (without any money in it) who isn’t going to appreciate it? That would just be something else for them to talk about; “Why did they send this, there’s no money or anything?” But I’m not mistaken in my thought of them having a false sense of entitlement, because entitlement, in its literal form, means “the belief that one is inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment.” Nobody owes you anything! I don’t owe you a “happy birthday,” or a “congratulations on your graduation,” or a “Merry Christmas.” Who are you?

One of the ten commandments in the Bible says to honor your father and your mother so that you may live long… I foresee that EVERYTHING you touch will fail until you do right by your mother and give her the respect she is most certainly entitled to from you, the children she gave birth to. I walk my talk every single day. I don’t “fake the funk” for anybody. I am who I am and where I am today in life physically, emotionally, financially, and spiritually because of the decisions I have made in my life. I don’t make excuses for my flaws or downfalls. I don’t point the finger at anyone else to say they should have done this, that or the other for me. It took me a long time to come to realize that, but I hope and pray it doesn’t take my other family members as long to wise up and to realize that life is too short to live with hurts from the past. If you feel hurt, you need to talk sensibly with those who you feel have hurt you and explain why you feel the way you do. Because if I mistakenly step on your foot but do not realize it, how can I apologize or make it right if you don’t tell me, “hey, you stepped on my foot, and you hurt me”? So yes, I have been a bit frustrated the last few days, and I don’t feel as if there has been proper communication that could possibly resolve this issue; whatever it may be.

They say blood is thicker than water, but sometimes you have to watch out for your so called family more than you do a stranger on the street. People also say sticks stones can break your bones, but words can never hurt you. That’s a lie if I’ve ever heard one. Sometimes words can hurt and cut deeper than any two-edged sword. It’s crazy how life works. How obstacles are thrown in your path right when you’re doing good; doing what’s right and noble. Misery  sure loves company and oftentimes, people will try their best to bring others down just to bring themselves up; no matter what lengths they have to go to to do so. It’s a crying shame. God don’t like ugly; and he’s not too fond of pretty either. He favors what’s right. And when you’re wrong, you’re wrong. You’ll never get anywhere in life trying to make other people’s lives miserable… never! I can promise you that.

“Live for today, not tomorrow or yesterday.” ~jRenae~

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I Am The Mother of THAT Child

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I recently read an article that a teacher who works at my kids’ school shared on Facebook. Her caption to the article link was something like, “We care about each one.” While lengthy, it is a definite must that you read it completely before continuing with this post so that you will fully understand my plight.

http://missnightmutters.com/2014/11/dear-parent-about-that-kid.html

Now… My daughter was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 6. She also has some severe emotional issues and suffers from anxiety. I have sought every method of help for her that I know is available to me. She has been put on medication, she has had counseling, she has been taught some coping techniques by her therapist, and she has had one, maybe two teachers who have been able to work with her in a caring, compassionate, yet firm way, so that she understood that they were on her side. My initial thought after reading this article was to post a comment expressing how I felt about the lack of patience and guidance and understanding many of the teachers and administrators seem to have when it comes to my child. But as I began typing my thoughts I felt like it was the wrong forum for all that I had to say. I cut the text and pasted it into my text message box until I decided what I was going to do with it.  These were pretty much my thoughts at that time:

I am a parent of THAT child and I only wish some of those teachers cared as much… “I will, no matter what happens, continue to look for, and to find, the good, amazing, special, and wonderful things about your child…” [sucks teeth and rolls eyes] Talk is cheap! She’s far from perfect, I’ll be the first to attest to that; but there are a lot of good things that could be said for, to, and about her, but I wonder why 99% of the time we only ever hear the bad… Many of them care with conditions and limitations. They really don’t want to be bothered with THAT child because it’s too much of an inconvenience. It’s not conducive to their ideal working environment or teacher/student relationship. Never mind the “crisis plan,” just get her out of MY classroom… as if she’s not worthy of being taught, regardless of her emotional instability. Never mind the other kids taunting or picking on her behind the teacher’s back, she has caused another uproar in the class, who cares what her reasons are, just write her up and get her out of here! Never mind the verbal praise on a day she doesn’t have an outburst, let’s just harp on everything wrong and be sure to tell her mom about all the negative situations and sum it up with, “But she’s a very smart girl.” What a load of bull!! I’m so over the fake and phoney and well overdue for some genuine care and concern for my child…

I feel as though I am the only person advocating for her. I’m not the type of parent who upholds her child when she’s wrong. I don’t make excuses for her behavior. I discipline her, both physical and non-physical. I talk with her, try to reason with her,  and I make sure I explain to her the consequences of her actions. She fully understands right from wrong, good from bad, the acceptable as well the unacceptable, and appropriate from inappropriate. She also has sense enough to know when someone is mistreating her, being unfair, or doing something to her just because, or just to agitate her. She’s not always in control of her emotional state of mind. She cries, screams, throws fits, sometimes throws things, becomes belligerent and oftentimes defiant. All of these things I am aware of. Each school year the new teachers (if not already familiar with her behaviors) are made aware of all of her “issues.” They’ve labeled her as a misfit and a disruption to the learning environment. The other kids all know what to do to set her off and to then seem like innocent bystanders as if they did nothing wrong. But in the teacher’s eyes, she is just causing a disruption. When she is then scolded and hears the snickers of the other children, she reaches her boiling point. But it really seems to me that none of that matters to the teachers. I know she will sit in class and refuse to do work sometimes. But I also know that sometimes she needs help and doesn’t understand; and maybe she needs a little more help – one-on-one… But how can a child ask for help from a teacher she feels doesn’t care if she understands it or not? And I know that’s how she feels a lot of the time.

My child is not without blame in these situations and occurrences. But she again, is just a child and she needs nurturing, time, care, attention, and to know that the people who are supposed to care about her and her learning ability and her well-being, actually do care.

What Do I Want For My Children?

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I want my children to be successful

And to always know that I love them dearly.

I want them to have dignity and purpose,

For them to hold their heads high and speak clearly.

 

To never mumble when speaking to someone

But look a person in the eye so that they know

You are serious and should be taken seriously

And accept criticism so there is room to grow.

 

To never be too selfish or even too kind

People sometimes mistake that for weakness

But don’t be too overbearing either

Remain humble and display tender meekness.

 

I want them to show respect to everyone

Whether another child or someone who’s old

Never be rude or mean without reason

To have a warm heart, not one that’s cold.

 

To give willingly whenever they are able to

To always lend a helping hand to someone in need

Remembering that it’s what Jesus would want them to do

To not be followers but to take a responsible lead.

 

I want for my children the world and so much more

For them to set goals and work hard to achieve them

To never boast, but to be modest and less proud

But to sometimes take chances and go out on a limb.

 

There will be times when they will be let down or disappointed

But I want them to understand that’s all a part of life

There will be happiness, joy, triumphs and victories

But also sorrow, heartache, pain, misery and strife.

 

Sometimes the good will outweigh the bad, sometimes not

At times they will feel like they are all alone with no one

But I pray they believe their mama will always be there

I’ll be just a phone call away, and to me they can always run.

 

So what all do I really want for my children?

Life, health, strength, creativity, success, power

But mostly I want them to know the Lord Jesus Christ

And that they can call on Him no matter the hour.

 

I want them to know that He has the power to do all things

And that He will come back one day, or maybe one night

I can’t tell them when that will be or where I will be

Only that the time is now for us all to get our lives right.

 

And not to call on Him only when they are in trouble

But to thank Him daily for the many blessings He gives

To tell others about Him and share his Holy Word

And make sure they know that yes, He still lives.

 

My children are my everything, my sun and my stars

They bring out the sunshine on my most cloudy day

I hope they know that even when I’m mad, I still love them

No matter the distance between us, in my heart they will always stay.

 

Haiku ~ My Future

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I will not dwell on
My past experiences
That does me no good

I cannot rely
On what ifs or the maybes
I have to move on

What will be will be
God alone knows my future
I will not assume

Maybe one day soon
The answers will be made clear
Soon I hope indeed

Guest Post: 5 Reasons Your Relationship With Your Ex Was Not As Great As You Think

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Great post! A lot of good points made…

Guest Post: 5 Reasons Your Relationship With Your Ex Was Not As Great As You Think.

My Friend

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IMG_0599.1<<<<This guy… 🙂 Where do I begin? There is so much I could say about him and so much I want to say; but I’ll keep it short(ish). He’s perfectly imperfect. He’s a good listener, a good advice giver, very humble, modest, and respectable. I cherish our friendship. Even though we haven’t been friends since childhood or anything like that, the three years we have known each other have been very fruitful for me. I respect his knowledge and wisdom; his ability to put things into perspective in a way that makes me look at them differently. He’s a wordsmith. His intellect reaches far beyond that of most men I know. He takes time to analyze a situation before he makes a decision one way or another. He loves his family. He shares a very close bond with his mom which I admire. She’s a wonderful woman who is strong and caring and compassionate. I know that he turned out to be such a great man because of his mom. He has helped me through so many different situations it’s not even funny! And I’m not exaggerating… When I have had something on my mind and I wasn’t sure who to talk to about it, I could turn to him and he would know just what to say. I like to think that I’ve helped him to see a different perspective in a few situations as well…

John [Skywalker] is a talented writer and artist (musical). I believe that once the right people hear his music, he is going to make it big. He has a different kind of sound from most hip-hop artists you hear on the radio. There is a lot of meaning behind his lyrics. His sound is unique and I enjoy hearing new music from him; I enjoy listening to his “old” music as well. I had the privilege of helping him with his first mixtape to include the cover design and promoting it to the point where I even got one of his songs played on one of the local radio stations. It was a lot of work, but it was well worth it! He’s now on a new venture in his life and I am hopeful that everything works out the way he plans. I see really big things happening in his life in the near future and I feel rather honored that I have come to know him as well as I do. He always tells me that I only know one side of him; the side he only shows to his family is much different than the side he shows to everyone else… But I’m content with what I do know about him.

I could say so much more, but again, I will keep it short and sweet. I admire John’s ambition and his courage. I even have a great respect for his need for privacy and oneness with himself and his thoughts. There have been plenty of times when I would reach out to him and he’d relay back to me that he was in “hermit” mode… I understood completely and left him to his thoughts, space, and time. He’s not usually one to initiate contact or communication, but that’s okay with me. He does so when necessary. John is a great friend to me, my best friend (male); I believe my only male best friend since Willis (my childhood male best friend). Sometimes as people grow older, they grow apart. They lose touch and tend to forget about the friends of old… I pray that doesn’t happen with John and me. I truly hope that we can remain friends for a long time to come; even if there are miles and miles between us. He means just that much to me.

Mother’s Day

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Since I didn’t get my mom an actual card for Mother’s Day (which i usually don’t b/c I always wait til the last minute to think about it), I woke up this morning and decided to write her a poem and send it to her via text message. It went a little something like this:

Words could not express
How much you mean to me
My love for you has no end
I only wish you could see.

On this Mother’s Day
Although we can’t be together
I pray God’s blessings upon you
Today, tomorrow, and forever

You gave me life and breath
For this I can’t thank you enough
Thirty-one long years ago
Life for you was pretty tough.

But you saw fit to give me a chance
To live, to grow, to be
Without you, I am nothing
Without you, I would not be me.

So on this May 12th, 2013
I have one thing left to say
I love you for everything you are to me
And this love will never fade away.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!

I love you, ma!! ❤

I’ve always had a knack for poetry. I love how words flow so easily for me especially when I have a thought in mind and it’s just a natural “floetry”. I wanted my mom to know that I loved her and I was thinking of her even though she didn’t get a physical card in the mail to say so. Well she called me late this afternoon to say that she did get the poem and she loved it. She said she was going to print it out. Because I know how much of a procrastinator she is, I may print it and frame it and send it to her in the mail. A “belated” gift in the physical form.

My mom and I never used to be real close. I really hate it too. It was always as if the distance between us is what kept our relationship in tact. When I lived with her for the two years right after giving birth to my son, we didn’t get along. I attribute that discord to the fact that we were (and are) so much alike. Our ideals and thoughts clashed quite frequently. I used to resent her for never being there for me the way I felt she should have been when I was growing up. I resented her even more when I learned, while living with her for those two years, that she had “gotten over” the fact that she was never there for me (or my twin brother), and felt that I should just “get over” it as well. I knew that after two plus years, the situation was not going to get any better and I made the decision to return to Georgia from New York – back home where I felt I belonged.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my mom. I always have. But I always wanted a close-knit relationship with her. I always wanted to be able to talk to her about any and everything, and to have her be able to talk to me about things that were going on in her life as well. Though what I always longed for, I never really got. I can’t stress enough how much the distance that we have between us is the real reason we are as close as we are at this point. Every word of the poem I wrote for her, I meant. I  always want her to know that I love her, no matter what. While my life could have turned out to be very different for any number of reasons, I am a firm believer in the fact that everything happens for a reason. My life turned out the way it did because that is what God had predestined for my life. People say you can’t pick your family; well if I could, I wouldn’t change anyone. I feel blessed and highly favored to have those in my life who are in it and play a part, no matter how big or how small.

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