Family

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When my frustration leads me to write, some things may come out that I wouldn’t normally say in a non-frustrated moment. But in the last couple of days, I have had some things said indirectly and directly to and about me as well as other family members that have really put me on edge. There have been some hurt feelings, I guess, about happenings and situations that I had no prior knowledge of ever even existing. When you live in different states from immediate family, you don’t always get to share in life happenings. Life, time, and distance don’t always allow for you to be a part of things you would otherwise be a part of had that distance not been there.

With that being said, every person in this world has just one life to live. What you do with your life is yours and yours alone to decide; after a certain point. When we get to a place in life when we can talk to people any kind of way with no sense of morals or respect for either yourself or other people, that’s a huge problem; especially when that person is your own mother. We all have shortcomings. None of us are perfect. But no one has the right to speak to their own mother in a degrading or disrespectful manner. I don’t care if a mother never gave her child two nickles to rub together, because if she never gave him anything at all, she gave him LIFE! He should thank her every day for giving him that life, because it could have easily gone the other way. People like to say when they’re in a bad situation, “I didn’t ask to be here.” Well guess what, none of us had a choice in whether or not we were going to be born. GOD put us all here for a reason. Every living, breathing human being has a purpose. Some don’t know what their purpose is yet. Some people may know, but are not sure about how to embrace it and be that person God wants them to be.

One of those family members said that “the definition of family in the literal term simply means any group closely related by blood. But it also means a group of individuals who closely share a common attitude, interests, or goals.” The only part of that definition that describes his (and several other family members) relationship to me is the part of being closely related by blood. We most certainly don’t share a common attitude, because I would never have the audacity to talk to my mother, grandmother, or any other adult family member the way he speaks to his mother. He says I misinterpret his hurt for a false sense of entitlement. But where, oh where, does this so called “hurt” stem from? Because you didn’t get a birthday card in the mail every year for the last 20 years of your life? Because you didn’t get a Christmas present in the mail every once in a while? As my eldest family member said to me, when you’re used to getting top of the line EVERYTHING, the meager card would have been much too insignificant for you and your high class and “rich” taste. Honey you’re living a millionaire’s dream on a “hundredaire’s” budget! Who wants to take the time out to acknowledge someone’s birthday with a card (without any money in it) who isn’t going to appreciate it? That would just be something else for them to talk about; “Why did they send this, there’s no money or anything?” But I’m not mistaken in my thought of them having a false sense of entitlement, because entitlement, in its literal form, means “the belief that one is inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment.” Nobody owes you anything! I don’t owe you a “happy birthday,” or a “congratulations on your graduation,” or a “Merry Christmas.” Who are you?

One of the ten commandments in the Bible says to honor your father and your mother so that you may live long… I foresee that EVERYTHING you touch will fail until you do right by your mother and give her the respect she is most certainly entitled to from you, the children she gave birth to. I walk my talk every single day. I don’t “fake the funk” for anybody. I am who I am and where I am today in life physically, emotionally, financially, and spiritually because of the decisions I have made in my life. I don’t make excuses for my flaws or downfalls. I don’t point the finger at anyone else to say they should have done this, that or the other for me. It took me a long time to come to realize that, but I hope and pray it doesn’t take my other family members as long to wise up and to realize that life is too short to live with hurts from the past. If you feel hurt, you need to talk sensibly with those who you feel have hurt you and explain why you feel the way you do. Because if I mistakenly step on your foot but do not realize it, how can I apologize or make it right if you don’t tell me, “hey, you stepped on my foot, and you hurt me”? So yes, I have been a bit frustrated the last few days, and I don’t feel as if there has been proper communication that could possibly resolve this issue; whatever it may be.

They say blood is thicker than water, but sometimes you have to watch out for your so called family more than you do a stranger on the street. People also say sticks stones can break your bones, but words can never hurt you. That’s a lie if I’ve ever heard one. Sometimes words can hurt and cut deeper than any two-edged sword. It’s crazy how life works. How obstacles are thrown in your path right when you’re doing good; doing what’s right and noble. Misery  sure loves company and oftentimes, people will try their best to bring others down just to bring themselves up; no matter what lengths they have to go to to do so. It’s a crying shame. God don’t like ugly; and he’s not too fond of pretty either. He favors what’s right. And when you’re wrong, you’re wrong. You’ll never get anywhere in life trying to make other people’s lives miserable… never! I can promise you that.

“Live for today, not tomorrow or yesterday.” ~jRenae~

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I Am The Mother of THAT Child

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I recently read an article that a teacher who works at my kids’ school shared on Facebook. Her caption to the article link was something like, “We care about each one.” While lengthy, it is a definite must that you read it completely before continuing with this post so that you will fully understand my plight.

http://missnightmutters.com/2014/11/dear-parent-about-that-kid.html

Now… My daughter was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 6. She also has some severe emotional issues and suffers from anxiety. I have sought every method of help for her that I know is available to me. She has been put on medication, she has had counseling, she has been taught some coping techniques by her therapist, and she has had one, maybe two teachers who have been able to work with her in a caring, compassionate, yet firm way, so that she understood that they were on her side. My initial thought after reading this article was to post a comment expressing how I felt about the lack of patience and guidance and understanding many of the teachers and administrators seem to have when it comes to my child. But as I began typing my thoughts I felt like it was the wrong forum for all that I had to say. I cut the text and pasted it into my text message box until I decided what I was going to do with it.  These were pretty much my thoughts at that time:

I am a parent of THAT child and I only wish some of those teachers cared as much… “I will, no matter what happens, continue to look for, and to find, the good, amazing, special, and wonderful things about your child…” [sucks teeth and rolls eyes] Talk is cheap! She’s far from perfect, I’ll be the first to attest to that; but there are a lot of good things that could be said for, to, and about her, but I wonder why 99% of the time we only ever hear the bad… Many of them care with conditions and limitations. They really don’t want to be bothered with THAT child because it’s too much of an inconvenience. It’s not conducive to their ideal working environment or teacher/student relationship. Never mind the “crisis plan,” just get her out of MY classroom… as if she’s not worthy of being taught, regardless of her emotional instability. Never mind the other kids taunting or picking on her behind the teacher’s back, she has caused another uproar in the class, who cares what her reasons are, just write her up and get her out of here! Never mind the verbal praise on a day she doesn’t have an outburst, let’s just harp on everything wrong and be sure to tell her mom about all the negative situations and sum it up with, “But she’s a very smart girl.” What a load of bull!! I’m so over the fake and phoney and well overdue for some genuine care and concern for my child…

I feel as though I am the only person advocating for her. I’m not the type of parent who upholds her child when she’s wrong. I don’t make excuses for her behavior. I discipline her, both physical and non-physical. I talk with her, try to reason with her,  and I make sure I explain to her the consequences of her actions. She fully understands right from wrong, good from bad, the acceptable as well the unacceptable, and appropriate from inappropriate. She also has sense enough to know when someone is mistreating her, being unfair, or doing something to her just because, or just to agitate her. She’s not always in control of her emotional state of mind. She cries, screams, throws fits, sometimes throws things, becomes belligerent and oftentimes defiant. All of these things I am aware of. Each school year the new teachers (if not already familiar with her behaviors) are made aware of all of her “issues.” They’ve labeled her as a misfit and a disruption to the learning environment. The other kids all know what to do to set her off and to then seem like innocent bystanders as if they did nothing wrong. But in the teacher’s eyes, she is just causing a disruption. When she is then scolded and hears the snickers of the other children, she reaches her boiling point. But it really seems to me that none of that matters to the teachers. I know she will sit in class and refuse to do work sometimes. But I also know that sometimes she needs help and doesn’t understand; and maybe she needs a little more help – one-on-one… But how can a child ask for help from a teacher she feels doesn’t care if she understands it or not? And I know that’s how she feels a lot of the time.

My child is not without blame in these situations and occurrences. But she again, is just a child and she needs nurturing, time, care, attention, and to know that the people who are supposed to care about her and her learning ability and her well-being, actually do care.

Tomorrow Is Not Promised

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In light of some recent deaths

I felt compelled to write

Just a few lines, not too many

I only wanna shed a little light.

 

Light on the things I know to be true

I have very few loyal friends

While I associate myself with many people

I try to be real and not pretend.

 

There is no one whom I can say I hate

That is too negative an emotion to feel

It puts a weight on one’s shoulders

And leaves scars not so easily healed.

 

I want to say that I love you

To any and everyone near and dear to me

I don’t want to perish from this life

Without making sure that you believe.

 

Believe me when I say I’m sorry

For any wrong I may have done to you

Whether today, yesterday, or last year

Right my wrongs is what I must do.

 

I don’t know when my time will be

But I don’t want to leave my work undone

Yet there is so much still left to do

This race I’m still running, I haven’t won.

 

At least not yet, because I’m still PUSHing

Praying Until Something Happens

Believing that the Lord is always beside me

Doing what I love with purpose and passion.

 

If you have ever said a word against me

It’s more than okay because I forgive you

I don’t want to burden my heart with grudges

I’m gonna do what Jesus would do.

 

Too many young people are dying

One right after the other, after another

Leaving loved ones behind to mourn them

Children, moms, dads, sisters and brothers.

 

They are filled with sorrow and grief

Unsure of how they can go on

Without seeing the one they love again

Crying whenever they hear their favorite song.

 

I’ve done some things I’m not proud of

But I know my good outweighs my bad

I want to make a difference while I’m here

I want to be happy, not angry or sad.

 

When it’s my time to leave this Earth

I want to be celebrated and remembered

This old world will surely break you down

But every one of our days are numbered.

 

So no, tomorrow is not promised to any of us

We don’t know our future, only our past

Just treat people right and always be kind

And live each day as if it were your very last.

What Do I Want For My Children?

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I want my children to be successful

And to always know that I love them dearly.

I want them to have dignity and purpose,

For them to hold their heads high and speak clearly.

 

To never mumble when speaking to someone

But look a person in the eye so that they know

You are serious and should be taken seriously

And accept criticism so there is room to grow.

 

To never be too selfish or even too kind

People sometimes mistake that for weakness

But don’t be too overbearing either

Remain humble and display tender meekness.

 

I want them to show respect to everyone

Whether another child or someone who’s old

Never be rude or mean without reason

To have a warm heart, not one that’s cold.

 

To give willingly whenever they are able to

To always lend a helping hand to someone in need

Remembering that it’s what Jesus would want them to do

To not be followers but to take a responsible lead.

 

I want for my children the world and so much more

For them to set goals and work hard to achieve them

To never boast, but to be modest and less proud

But to sometimes take chances and go out on a limb.

 

There will be times when they will be let down or disappointed

But I want them to understand that’s all a part of life

There will be happiness, joy, triumphs and victories

But also sorrow, heartache, pain, misery and strife.

 

Sometimes the good will outweigh the bad, sometimes not

At times they will feel like they are all alone with no one

But I pray they believe their mama will always be there

I’ll be just a phone call away, and to me they can always run.

 

So what all do I really want for my children?

Life, health, strength, creativity, success, power

But mostly I want them to know the Lord Jesus Christ

And that they can call on Him no matter the hour.

 

I want them to know that He has the power to do all things

And that He will come back one day, or maybe one night

I can’t tell them when that will be or where I will be

Only that the time is now for us all to get our lives right.

 

And not to call on Him only when they are in trouble

But to thank Him daily for the many blessings He gives

To tell others about Him and share his Holy Word

And make sure they know that yes, He still lives.

 

My children are my everything, my sun and my stars

They bring out the sunshine on my most cloudy day

I hope they know that even when I’m mad, I still love them

No matter the distance between us, in my heart they will always stay.

 

Haiku ~ My Future

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I will not dwell on
My past experiences
That does me no good

I cannot rely
On what ifs or the maybes
I have to move on

What will be will be
God alone knows my future
I will not assume

Maybe one day soon
The answers will be made clear
Soon I hope indeed

Controversy in This World in Which We Live

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Trayvon Martin. He is the topic of much controversy, and has been since his death in February of last year (2012). I don’t want to dwell on any of the particulars of the case in and of itself in this post. What I do want to do is make a plea to all those disgruntled, angered, appalled, devastated, and heart-broken individuals… Don’t let the George Zimmermans and Casey Anthonys of this world turn you into a bitter and angry person who distrusts the legal/judicial system and bad mouths it for everything you feel it did wrong or let slip through the cracks. We have become a nation of more talkers and less doers. The days of old when people like Dr. King, Rosa Parks, Medgar Evers, and countless others are long gone. Those individuals saw a need for change and they made strides to exact those changes. Many of them died fighting for a cause they believed in. How far are you willing to go? What are you willing to sacrifice? Your time, your resources (money), your energy, your blood, sweat, and tears, and possibly your life?! If not, don’t talk about it.

YOU HAVE TO BE THE CHANGE YOU WISH TO SEE. If the extent of what you can and will do does not extend beyond rants on social media web pages, don’t bother. Because until we as a people come together and make the necessary changes within our own families, our own neighborhoods, our own church groups, our own work places, our own lives and the lives of our children who will be our future, there will always be Trayvon Martins. There will always be hate. There will always be discrimination and racism. There will always be those who are acquitted wrongly and those who are convicted wrongly. Talking about it does not change it. Trayvon Martin is just one in thousands of children who lost their lives to senseless violence. But where are the headlines of the others? I’m not trying to diminish the severity of what happened to Trayvon Martin, but I’m just stating what’s real. After 9/11 the U.S. became a more prayerful nation. A time when we lost many lives and endless hope. But again, YOU HAVE TO BE THE CHANGE YOU WISH TO SEE! My heart goes out to Trayvon Martin’s family. I would not want to be in their shoes… No one would. But at the same time, I am but one person, one voice. Alone, I can do very little. But together, we can all make a difference. I will end this post with a prayer that I’m sure many of us know well (the full prayer)…

Serenity_blue

Guest Post: 5 Reasons Your Relationship With Your Ex Was Not As Great As You Think

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Great post! A lot of good points made…

Guest Post: 5 Reasons Your Relationship With Your Ex Was Not As Great As You Think.

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